Why Slave Leia Cosplayers Make Me Mad

 I don't like it when people cosplay Slave Leia.

 Not because of the flesh on display, that's fine.

 Well, the fact that the cosplayer is showing skin is fine. That they elected to do so as part of a Princess Leia fancy dress isn't.

 Why?

 Well, think for a second, why is she dressed in a metal bikini in the first place?

 Because she was enslaved by a crime lord.

 She didn't choose to dress like that, she was made to by Jabba the Hutt (who is possibly the best representation of the worst sections of heterosexual male geek culture).

 I don't recall any other point in the films where she isn't pretty much entirely covered.

 The classic outfit, the medal ceremony, action Leia, she's almost always covered from the chin down.

 That's just how she dresses.

 So why on Earth do people, who apparently like Leia enough to dress up as her for fun, decide to wear the one outfit she didn't choose and was forced into as part of being subjugated by an evil giant space slug who has literally eaten people before?

This is Leia at her most subjugated, canonically objectified and put into that outfit to draw a stark contrast between free Leia who dresses conservatively and slave Leia who has been turned into a sexualised ornament in order to humiliate her.

 All I can see when I see a Slave Leia cosplayer is someone who either completely missed the point of the whole 'Slave Leia' thing, mistakenly thinks that killing Jabba with her leash somehow manages to magically make the outfit not personally humiliating for this strong female character, or they like the outfit more than they actually like Leia.

 Women can objectify other women, after all, and it's generally not because they're sexually attracted to them.

 It just makes me mad.

 What's wrong with her outfit during the whole Endor thing? That looks great and she's not being purposefully humiliated by a crime lord slug alien.

Gordon Freeman Owns My Soul (Oh My God, I Love Half Life)

 I only started playing it yesterday, but I'm really mad for it right now.

 Sure, it's nearly seventeen years old, but what you guys aren't keeping in mind is that it's only the second or third first person shooter that I've ever played, and that's only because I'm not sure Condemned counts.

 One of the things I'm really loving about this game is that I am getting noticably better at it as I play.

 There's this one bit in Office Complex where there's about eight slectricity spouting monsters and I went in there with only twenty health. After a bunch of failed attempts I managed to kill all of them without getting hit once, even going out of my way to kill two I strictly didn't need to in my pursuit of a first aid kit that a biologist refused to slip through the hole in the wall, despite my puppy dog looks at it.

But I'm a Theoretical Physicist...

 By the time the human soldiers rolled around, I was so good that they haven't killed me once yet.

 I even managed to wipe out an entire room of them from the vents with little difficulty.

 Although that may be because they're not very bright. Only one of them seemed to realise I was in there despite me showing up in a place I could only have gotten to via the ventilation system.

 My main source of annoyance with the game is that the other scientists keep running to their deaths via the American military. At this point I'm working on the principle that Gordon is mute because if he isn't why the hell isn't he going 'no, don't. They already killed Steve!'?

 I also got temporarily stuck in a wall and had to reload a save when I got trapped in the locker room because a head crab zombie's foot being stuck in the door.

 Yeah, I'm loving it, but it doesn't half show its age.

Physics!

Man, this gore... So realistic!

Nevertheless, as a new player to the genre, I still love it enough to suggest it to others.

 You want to give FPSs a go? You can't do much better than Half Life.

My New Obsession is... House of Cards (No, not that one, the other one)

 My scanner still isn't working!

 I'm gonna work on getting it sorted out over the weekend.

 However, I have got Steam and Chrome working, so here's a post about what I've been watching on Prime lately.

 My interest in this series was raised by the fact that there's been an American adaptation and I was uncertain of how exactly that would work.

 Having watched two episodes, I am further convinced that this isn't a super great idea.

 The House of Cards is the story of Chief Tory Whip Francis Urquhart seeking upper class revenge on the Prime Minister and other members of the party for being denied a promised promotion to the cabinet.

 He's like a more aggressively evil Sir Humphrey Appleby from Yes Minister. Humphrey is Lawful Neutral but hovering closer to Lawful Evil, but Urquhart is on the border between Lawful and Neutral Evil.

 If they were to join forces, one can only imagine the destruction.

 Now, my discomfort with the American version is largely caused by three things.

 One: Urquhart is a Tory, Underwood is a Democrat. Honestly, the right wing thing is kinda necessary as it informs a lot about Urquhart's character without having to actively say anything.

 I understand why Underwood is a Democrat (contemporary issues, yo), but the Democrats just don't have the same... underlying air of evil.

 But not just any evil, posh people evil. The worst kind of evil.

 Two: Urquhart and Underwood are both Chief Whips. Thing is, American Party Whips have no where near the amount of power that British ones do.

 No, really, Whips are genuinely scary in British politics. They can really screw an MP over.

 Whips in this country have privileges that they can grant or remove as they see fit.

 They're also far more important as government is part of the House of Commons.

 Long story short, it basically comes down to the fact that British Prime Ministers are more powerful within British parliament than the American President is in American parliament. A large part of this is down to the Whips.

 Three: Urquhart gets his revenge by orchestrating a leadership challenge.

 In British politics the party leader becomes Prime Minister should their party win and they have a seat in the House of Commons.

 When a party is out of power, they hold a leadership election. This is how we got the current leaders of the Conservatives, Labour and Liberal Democrats.

 However, when a party is in government and the leader steps down for whatever reason (usually in disgrace) internal party politicking results in a new leader being selected.

 This is how Jim Hacker became Prime Minister in Yes Minister, it's how Gordon Brown became Prime Minister after Tony Blair, it's how John Major became Prime Minister after Margaret Thatcher in reality, and how Henry Collingridge became Prime Minister after Margaret Thatcher in House of Cards.

 That's... not how American politics works.

 I've had a quick look at the Wikipedia page for the American version, and he manages to become Vice President. Which is far more sensible than the plan I came up with, which was become head of the House of Representatives and somehow kill both President and Vice President in one fell swoop.

 Yeah, if something bad happens to both Obama and Biden, Boehner is who you should be side eyeing suspiciously.

 I think what I'm taking from this is that stealing the Prime Minister-ship is a lot easier than stealing the Presidency.

 So yeah, these are my three main concerns.

 Although, while looking into how they'd resolve issue three, I was surprised to see that Underwood is more... Chaotic Good? Neutral?

 Well, he's not a complete shit like Urquhart appears to be. I'm not sure I'm keen on that.

 (I feel like this is more of an 'uninformed opinion on a programme I have not watched' post than anything.)

 So, I'm only two episodes in, and I'm really enjoying it.

 The fourth wall breaking was kind of weird, but I really like it now I've got used to it. I feel like I'm some kind of accomplice in his evil plan.

 There is one thing I'm not used to, though.  It is intensely quiet. It's so quiet that I cannot watch it when other people are around because I can't hear it at all.

 But, oh well, I'll just have to watch it during the day in the week.

 I can live with that.

Why Deal With a Princess When There's a Queen Right There?

 Here's a stone cold fact: Lois Lane is the first lady of comics.

 She's the most important female character in DC comics and possibly the most valuable one they will ever have.

 Yes, she's more important and more valuable than WonderWoman.

 The reason for this is one. she's older and two. she's interesting.

 WonderWoman is dull.

 She is the most intensely boring character that I have ever read, and frankly, she's an insult.

 Purportedly the premier female superhero and she's very overtly not a normal woman.

 She's special. She is not like other women, and yet still somehow manages to be a male fantasy.

 She's an Amazon and lives for the male gaze, she's an Amazon and allows herself to be bossed around by men.

 She's a warrior and has no prior experience with children, and is somehow great with them.

 Superman should be good with children.

 Batman should be amazing with children.

 WonderWoman should be absolutely shit with children and, frankly, find them mildly repulsive.

 She isn't constantly fighting back against the patriarchy, even though she's totally unused to it and would logically take most of the stuff regular women have to take in stride as a deathly insult.

 Hell, she let's people call her a diminutive title as a nickname instead of standing up for herself and pointing out the problem with the word princess.

 Lois Lane fights the patriarchy better than DC will ever let WonderWoman.

 WonderWoman calls women 'sister', but Lois Lane actually has a sister.

 Lois Lane had a normal childhood.

 Lois Lane was born.

 She wasn't made out of clay by a woman who hated men (for a damn good reason, according to comics canon) and yet looks exactly how a shallow man would want her to.

 Hyppolita should have made She-Hulk, but instead we ended up with She-Ra.

 Lois Lane had to work her way to her middling position in society and enjoys every minute of it.

 WonderWoman got lucky.

 In fact, WonderWoman is very lucky, isn't she?

 Whenever she comes across someone who says she dresses like a hooker, they never actually believe that. In real life, most of the people who say she dresses like a stripper actually believe that, and yet in comics, they seem to somehow be in the minority.

 She's convenient too, always with the correct opinion to make her look progressive, when there are opinions that would make far more sense for her to have that would make her more interesting.

 WonderWoman's opinions are there to make her likable, not to make her a real character.

 Lois is a real character. Even when she was always a damsel in distress she was more successful than Superman in her job. She's always been bright and vivacious and capable of holding her own against anyone.

 This is a woman who constantly puts herself in danger and can't just fly away. She throws herself out of windows and has to hope she'll get caught.

 She isn't afraid of pissing off the most powerful people on the planet, because she's got something that WonderWoman lacks: mental strength. WonderWoman doesn't have it because she doesn't need it.

 Lois Lane is better than WonderWoman in exactly the same way that Batman is better than Superman.

When the Moon Hits Your Eye Like Future Genocide...

 Brrr, it's so cooooold.

 Now, to more important matters.

 Majora's Mask 3D has been announced and will be released next year.

 I am incredibly excited.

 I absolutely love Majora's Mask, it's my favourite Legend of Zelda title in terms of writing because it is the most well built world in the series.

 Most of the games revolve around Hyrule, but in my experience, most of the ones that stray away from Hyrule are more fleshed out in terms of world building.

 Koholint, Labrynna, Holodrum and especially Termina.

 Termina is the most fascinating place in the series.

 I've managed to play through Majora's Mask before, but in that case there was a time when I had to do one of the dungeons twice because the game glitched out, which is apparently a problem fairly common to the Gamecube Zelda Collector's edition.

 Now I no longer have to worry about those issues, I can enjoy the world of Termina once more at my leisure.

 There is one minor problem though.

 And I do mean minor.

 It's the moon.

 It looks wrong somehow.

 Less pained, more angry. Less like an unwilling participant and more like it wants to take part in the plan to destroy Termina.

 I suppose it objectively looks better, I think this was always what it was supposed to look like, but I'm still not a fan.

 Everything else just looks like a better version of the original game, whereas the moon looks less like a moon with a face on it and more like a face that's had a sphere built around it.

 I know I'm being a bit nit picky here, and I'm sure I'll just get used to the new look, but it's really the only thing that bothers me about the remake.

 Also, I'm hoping (but not really expecting) them to add in a feature that lets you use the Giant's Mask in more than just one place.

 That would be really cool.

Let's Talk About... Nintendo at E3 2014

Kind of a big deal.

 I'm pretty blown away by Nintendo's offering at E3 this year. We got a new trailer for Omega Ruby and Alpha Sapphire (although we're going to have to have a chat about that soon) and the first look at Zelda Wii U.

 I'm super excited.

 Unfortunately though, we're not really smothered in information about these two, so I'm going to concentrate on some of the other stuff that was unveiled.

Splatoon

 I don't really like shooters. First person, over the shoulder, third person, doesn't matter, just not my bag.

 But seeing the trailer and hearing about the gameplay of Splatoon has genuinely made me wonder whether my distaste for shooters is entirely down to the fact that so many of them are military shooters.

 Because Splatoon looks crazy fun. It looks like the kind of thing I would happily play for hours, with the interesting concept, bright colours and adorable character design. It kind of reminds me of Octodad, because of the cephalopod angle, and that can only be a good thing.

 I'm definitely interested in this, and I think I might get it if it's greatly expanded, and/or relatively cheap.

 Interest Level: Piqued

Bayonetta 2

 Doug from Fission Mailure and I played the first Bayonetta game together and really enjoyed it, despite its flaws (mostly the lack of proper in game cutscenes), so we're both looking at Bayonetta 2 with envious eyes.

 Especially the edition with a bonus Bayonetta game where she can dress up as various Nintendo characters. I watched that part of the trailer with a mildly horrified expression, but the moment it stopped I said 'I need it'.

 My relationship with this kind of thing is complicated.

 Interest Level: Keen

Yoshi's Wooly World

 AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW.

 I need it.

 Interest level: -almost inaudible squealing-

Devil's Third

 When I started watching the trailer for this, I was actually pretty interested. But then the protagonist started playing on the drums and there was a lot of shooting guns going on.

 Then the sexy old flame turned up and took off her clothes and I completely changed my mind.

 It's probably going for a Duke Nukem kind of thing, but since even Duke Nukem doesn't seem able to manage that well any more, I'm not holding out hopes for this.

 Interest Level: Not in a month of Sundays

Theatrythym: Final Fantasy - Curtain Call

 I'm only bringing this up because it's a Final Fantasy game.

 Interest Level: Aggressively don't care.

Hyrule Warriors

 Yes, yes, yes, yes.

 This looks so good and so fun.

 Playing as Impa and Midna will be so cool, and playing as Ganondorf will be an interesting experience too. (secret desire to knit him a scarf)

 I'm pretty psyched.

 Interest Level: Will probably buy

Mario Maker (Working Title)

 I do like this kind of 'make your own levels' type of thing, and considering the UI on the Wii U, this may be one of the best you'll see on a console.

 If it's cheap and I've got money, I may give it a go.

 Interest Level: Piqued

 Captain Toad Treasure Tracker

 Let me begin by saying that I hate Toad's voice.

 But I do like the look of the game, I've always been interested in perspective based gameplay, and I really like the sound of the gyroscopic first person view on the game pad.

 It does look kind of kiddie, but I'm going to buy Yoshi's Wooly World, so that's not so much of a criticism as it is just an observation.

 Interest Level: Piqued

 (As a side note, I'm really liking all these Mario games based around other characters from the series. Hopefully we'll get a new and better Peach game soon.)

Fossil Fighters Frontier

 I swear I saw this exact idea in an anime once, but never mind that.

 It's got two of my favourite things in it, dinosaurs and monster battles. Ten year old me would have eaten this up like a bowl of my mum's trifle.

 Interest Level: Piqued

Sonic Boom

 I've heard virtually nothing good about this.

 So it looks like another terrible Sonic game. The poor guy.

 Interest Level: Pity

Chromophore: The Two Brothers Director's Cut

 This is a Kickstarted indie game that's been given a revamp for the next gen consoles, and the trailer for it on the Nintendo E3 page has definitely caught my interest.

 It's got a very Wizard of Oz/Corpse Bride approach, where the ordinary world is drab and monochrome, and the world of the dead is bright and colourful.

 I quite like the idea of games that have contrasting 'real worlds' and 'fantasy worlds', so I'm pretty intrigued by this.

 Interest level: Intrigued

 Starwhal

 I am going to play the hell out of this game with Doug.

 It's a game about narwhals flopping about in space and trying to poke each other with their horns. Need I say more?

 Interest Level: 10/10 will buy

Let's Talk About... Final Fantasy XV (AKA Sir Not Appearing At E3)

 Now here's a game I'm not looking forward to.

 Not so much in a 'I think it's going to be painful' way, more in a 'I don't care' way. Although I am anticipating it to be rather painful.

 Honestly, my attitude towards this game hasn't changed in the eight years that it's been in development. (For the sake of guilt by association, Duke Nukem Forever was in development for fifteen.)

 Lest we forget, this was originally a Final Fantasy XIII spin off game. The fingerprints of which are still smeared on it.

 Noctis was supposed to be the 'dark' to Lightning's 'light' and the duality can be seen in their names.

 This game should have come out a short time after XIII did. So it's at least four years late.

 Final Fantasy Agito XIII didn't come out around the time it was supposed to either. It was renamed Final Fantasy Type-0, and although it was apparently rather good, does speak to the total failure of the Fabula Nova Crystalis as a concept.

 Which isn't even grammatically correct, by the way. The proper title should be Fabula Nova Crystalli or Fabula Novum Crystalli (depending on whether you want the feminine or neutral form of nova). What they have doesn't mean 'the new tale of the crystals' like they want, it means either 'the new tale is a crystal' or 'the tale is a new crystal'.

 The base game was terrible, and the two spin offs were both reworked into brand new IPs for the series.

 So from the two games from the series that have been released so far, we can predict that this game has a fifty per cent chance of being awful.

 But there's also a bigger problem. It's a Nomura project.

 Ugh.

 I don't like Tetsuya Nomura. I think he's terrible at his job, is dragging down Square Enix and represents an awful lot of what is wrong with the video game industry in general, and possibly all of what's wrong with it in Japan.

 So I'm not particularly keen on XV because he's directing the game, designed characters for it and came up with the concept and base story.

 According to Wikipedia, this is going to be 'a heavy departure from previous games, providing a darker and more realistic atmosphere that focuses on human emotions and believable characters'.

Which,

1.   shows that the company thinks poorly of the previous fourteen games and their spin offs, 
2.  shows a fatally flawed understanding of what that sentence means, 
3.  begs the question of what they thought was going on in Final Fantasies VII, X, XII and even XIII not to mention an awful lot of the other games attached to the franchise
4.  implies that they're going to confuse 'dark' for 'oppressively grim' (Kingdom Hearts, anyone?) and
5.  grossly overestimates Nomura's ability to create believable characters or realistic atmospheres.

 Here's a pro-tip, direct from me to you: just because you can draw, do not assume you can write.

 Nomura isn't the only one who falls into this category (although opinions vary on how well he can draw), although the guy I'm going to bring up kind of can't.

 And I feel kind of bad for saying that, I've heard he's a nice guy.

 However, it's true.

 Rob Liefeld is a terrible, terrible artist, and an even worse writer.

 (I also have anecdotal evidence of this phenomenon happening with a person I once knew. She too has a terrible, terrible grasp of Latin. But that's a story for another time.)

 Testuya Nomura is the Rob Liefeld of video games.

 I say this entirely because he is convinced he can write and has all of these 'brilliant' ideas, but he's really, really bad at it.

 For example, if you've been reading my Let's Play Log, you know that one of my bugbears about the game is that no one ever mentions Seifer's large facial scar. But worse than that, I can't actually remember any point after the opening sections of the game where anyone has actually mentioned Squall's.

 I bring this up because the only reason all that happened in the first place is because Nomura designed Squall with a scar.

 Here's a better example of how Nomura is totally awful at writing.

 He was going to make XV a musical.

 Yeah, for a day, but the fact of the matter remains that he thought this was a good idea for long enough to go into the office and demand it be made so.

 I've also heard rumours that he's gotten bored of XV and is already working on a sequel. Of course, I can't cite this, but considering that we got two XIII sequels and Versus XIII is now a main series game I wouldn't be at all surprised if this turned out to be true.

 After all this rambling about Nomura and XIII, you may be wondering what XV is actually about.

 As far as I can tell, it's going to be about a Mafia like royal family protecting a crystal and running a city state repelling invaders while the Prince is off having romantic dalliances with some blonde girl he has a single thing in common with. It's also going to probably have them be star crossed lovers or something.

 I'm not impressed.

 The only thing new about this entire premise is the Mafia thing, and even that's not that new if you consider how the idea of royalty came into being in the first place.

 This premise could be interesting, but after suffering through Nomura led projects in the past, my expectations are so low I can hardly bring myself to care.

 Furthermore it's coming to the XBox One and PS4 at some point in the next few millennia, and I don't have either of those, nor do I intend to get one.

 No, my console of choice is the Nintendo Wii U. So be sure to check back on Sunday, because I'll be talking about Nintendo's offerings at E3 this year.