Let's Play: Final Fantasy VIII - Part Fourteen

 Part Thirteen

 Masterpost

 Day Seven: Keep Right (Or Left)

 This one's gonna be kind of short.

 Usually when I do a play session of this, it lasts about two hours. I find it's a good amount of time to get a decent amount of material for a couple of posts.

 This play session lasted about three hours, but since all that time was spent doing just one thing, Day Seven is getting one post. Which is probably a relief since well all know the last time I played for more than around two hours was Day Mother Trucking Five.

 "Was finding that ID number Caraway decided to send you for really that hard?" I don't hear you ask. (That would make me a seer or something.)

 Well, no. In fact, I found it almost immediately.

It's pretty much right next to the door.

 I wandered around for so long because (spoiler) I knew there was a GF up for grabs in here.

 And it's a good thing I did know, otherwise I wouldn't have bothered wandering around in there, since the clue the game gives you is this:

IT's in there?
 Stephen King needs to sue someone.

 I suppose that the guy who gave you this quest could have told you. You do get the option to give him some money in return for information, but I didn't because I have a moral problem with paying the people who give me pointless fetch quests. Which is why I never got into World of Warcraft.

 Also, let's have a quick chat about how this isn't even a good fetch quest.

 I'm not getting some crystal or weapon or medicine or supplies or anything actually useful. I'm not even proving myself. I went in about ten feet before I found the thing I was sent to find.

 I didn't have to use the map, I didn't have to traverse the maze, I didn't have to fight a boss, I didn't have to fight any monsters because I was lucky.

 I didn't have to face a challenge.

 This is the worst fetch quest I've ever seen in any video game. Not only do I not feel like there was any point to it in the first place, I don't even feel like I've achieved anything.

 And that's a real shame, they could have put the sword into the central chamber and had you work out how to get into it and that would have been a fine challenge.

 This maze is incredibly clever. It's also deceptively simple.

 Allow me to show you the map for it.

Thanks for the permission.

 It looks really easy, but it isn't, and it isn't for one very simple reason. With the exception of the one with the sword in it, every single crossroads and corner is identical.

 Furthermore, the orientation of the rooms you're in changes with you, you're always looking forward from the direction you entered from.

 Not to mention that the map is static.

 You have no idea what direction you're facing because the game goes out of it's way to make sure you do not know.

 That's what makes it so easy to get lost in. If you're not taking care to remember which direction you're going to be facing every time you exit a room, you're screwed because there are no landmarks except for one at the beginning of the maze.

 During my wandering around in circles phase, I ran into one of two slabs that claimed to have directions to the entrance on it. These directions turned out to be totally wrong.

 I'm guessing that the instructions were the same on both slabs, and therefore applied only to one of them.

 I did eventually manage to get out though, and after that I decided to use the oldest trick in the book.

 Just kept going right.

 I wouldn't recommend this if you're stuck in the middle somewhere, but if you can find a corner, follow that wall and you'll find your way out.

 Keep going right from the entrance and you'll find a statue of a Minotaur looking thing.

 Examining it reveals it to be an actual Minotaur looking thing and he starts a fight with Zog and Co. that he isn't bull enough to finish. He actually ran away.

 Upon running away with his tail between his legs, the pedestal he was on rises and continuing on the circuit around the maze, you see the slabs have lowered.

 There's a simple puzzle where you need to control the flow of water to lower a drawbridge to the central chamber.

Upon entering, you see the Minotaur guy standing on something and he's absolutely amazing, because he's basically run to his big brother in that way little boys do when they've picked a fight they cannot win. He even lies to his brother about who attacked whom.

 One of the things I love about this guy is the way he talks. He's an awful lot like Zell, so it makes it particularly humorous when Zell calls him an idiot.

 By the way, this is how big his big brother is:

Well, she's not wrong.

 Yeah, he's the blue thing that's standing in front of Zog. He's smaller than a whiny teenage boy.

 That's adorable and I love it.

 The fight against these two was pretty rough, it wasn't helped by the fact that if they're in contact with the ground they get healed every turn. Which is what the two girls running and shouting 'Float' was all about. If you use Float on them and on your team, you can really put a dent in their style.

 That said, they did manage to KO Zell for a bit, so I did actually have to use a phoenix down for a change.

 I did manage to take them down, and was rewarded with no EXP, which was infuriating. I did, however, gain custody of the Brothers GF.

 I wanted to name them Dirk&Dave, but since the game has no ampersand, I had to settle for something else.

 I went with Bros., the full stop being totally unnecessary as the band name does not actually have a full stop in it like I thought.

 Just imagine I'm being very definite.

 I also opened the grave the brothers were guarding and spoke with the deceased king whose tomb this was.

 This was what he had to say:

Does nobody cremate in this  universe?

 Oh, great. I let you out after centuries of being trapped in your tomb and the only thing you have for me is the suggestion of funereal reform.

 Aren't you just a wise and generous king?

 Well, since we got what we came for, I suppose it's time we go back to report out findings to General Caraway in Part Fifteen.