Wednesday, 12 November 2014

Guest Post: Murphy Rants About... The Apprentice S10E6

 This week, the apprentices had to create a board game, and if that sounds as terrifying to you as it does to me, then you’ve probably been paying attention to these posts. Or you just watch the show.

 The teams were led by James and Pamela this week, with James’ team deciding on a rather dull geography board game and Pamela’s on a sleazy-as-all-get-out incredibly misogynistic and just plain eye-burningly awful ‘dating board game’. It was panned by market research as being just awful, but they went ahead with it anyway.

 If you want to know how the game works, it involves questions like ‘How do women like to be asked out? A) By text. B) By e-mail. C) By tweet.’ That’s the level of bizarro apprentice logic we’re working with here.

 On the other team, their game, GeoKnow, was mostly just boring. We also got James - who need I remind you has convictions for assault - getting extremely aggressive at teammate Bianca. In a private place (well, obviously not completely private, because camera crews). At one point, he had her literally cornered.

 After the games were completed, they tested them on target audiences. The geography game’s audience actually quite liked theirs, while the dating game’s audience were weirded out and uncomfortable and kind of just wanted to leave.

 When selling began, there were several blunders. Bianca, for example, sold six units to a small shop with an added exclusivity deal for all of Westminster. The biggest centre of retail in London and, thus, the entire United Kingdom. Six units. For all of Westminster.

 James also tried to claim his game was ‘limited edition’, because he is a compulsive liar, as we’re learning throughout this process.

 In the board room, the geography game was revealed to have won, though, to nobody’s surprise - especially not Lord Sugar’s, who absolutely hated the dating game, describing it as ‘not even funny.’ It didn’t just win, though, it got nearly double the profit of the dating game, making it one of the more striking wins this series.

 Unfortunately, that means James is in for another week.

 Pamela brought Daniel, who wrote the questions, and Lauren, who didn’t really do anything except tell them all how bad this idea was (she wasn’t wrong), into the boardroom. There was a lot of yelling over each other, and this exchange:

 Daniel: You’ve seen my sales numbers.

 Lord Sugar: I’ve seen your sales numbers: You sold nothing on this task and sold nothing on the last task. Do you suffer from delusions? I’m not calling you a liar, I’m calling you a fantasist.

 So, that was fun. In the end, Pamela left, though, for the reason of ‘you were team leader, and the idea for this game was fundamentally flawed and terrible and made Murphy want to die. Look at Murphy. Look at how you made Murphy cry, you monster.’ I was pretty surprised that Daniel didn’t go, to be honest.

 Ah, well, give it time. Everyone hates him. He and James are not long for this world.

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