Let's Play: Final Fantasy VIII - Part Thirty

 Part Twenty Nine

 Masterpost

 Day Thirteen: Broadening Horizons

10/10 would adopt. But then again, that's true for most children.

 Well, it wasn't going to get less depressing immediately, I'm afraid.

 Although, thankfully for us, Nina comes in to try and get Zog out of his slump. Which is really sweet of her, I really like how she's invested in his mental health. Of course, how she does it isn't perfect, telling the depressed to lighten up is never helpful, but it's not particularly problematic either. She's not an expert in these matters after all, she's just trying her best.

 Besides, immediately after she asks him to join her for a walk like he's a Prince and she's his knight in shining armour. She bows and everything.

 So of course I made Zog go with her.

Best character, right here.

 They get about fifty feet before Cid makes an announcement over the freshly repaired intercom and things start going horribly wrong.

 Remember how Garden cannot be controlled by anyone on it?

 Well, seas tend to have land in them, and they're running into some.

Don't say that, never say that.

 Of course, the fisherman tempts fate even more by asking for a big one, and he does manage to hook one just as Garden comes into view.

 And like any stupid character in the beginning of a disaster movie, he still tries to reel in the fish despite the fact that a building is coming straight at him with the intent to destroy. Don't worry though, he does stop being a total moron and manages to get out of the way before Balamb Garden smashes into the crane arm he was sitting on.

 Cid, being a responsible head teacher, does the only sensible thing one can do in a situation like this and immediately calls on a teenage boy to provide assistance.

I don't why he thinks Zog can help either.

 It turns out that the place they crashed into is called Fisherman's Horizon and Cid wants Zog to take Irvine and Nina with him into town to apologise to the mayor and show that Balamb Garden comes in peace and stuff.

 Which makes me wonder: Cid, have you ever met Zog?

 I don't think I've ever seen a Final Fantasy protagonist this misanthropic, and I suffered through XIII.

 Also, since when has any plan Zog's been involved in ever worked properly? You've crashed into a town because of a plan he was involved in, do you really want to make things worse?

 And it was your plan, this does not bode well for this new scheme!

 Zog, being the whiny brat he is, wonders why he has to do it, but still doesn't have the actual spine to say 'do it yourself, you old codger'.

 Cid claims that he wants Zog to see the world and broaden his horizons, but I don't buy that he's got any of the SeeDs' best interests in mind at all.

 Because he let Edea's SeeDs take Ellone, but didn't insist that they take the two, actualfax prepubescent, children with them too.

 But I digress.

 The team heads to the viewing deck and make their way onto land where a group of men are waiting for them.

Fair enough.

 Are SeeDs really prone to random acts of violence? I would have thought they were like the Assassins' and Seamstresses' guilds in the Discworld, i.e. they only do what they do for money.

 These guys also recognise Balamb Garden from the patterns on the walls, which they claim that they painted.

 It was at this point I started to become concerned that something very convenient was going on.

 However, I became distracted by the fact that this place had a giant satellite dish with a house in it.

Ha, and you thought I was joking.

 Why does this place exist? What's the point?

 You can't use a satellite dish with a house in is, and since it's so reflective, it's got to be quite uncomfortably warm in there. Although maybe they're solar panels, which seems like a recipe for disaster, since this place seems to mostly made of metal and it would still be really hot in that house.

 Said house belongs to the Mayor, and while I would praise him for picking a nice central location, that location is in the middle of a bloody satellite dish. As far as I can tell, there's only one way in or out and it's only got stairs. Does this guy not believe in disabled access?

 What if one of his constituents is in a wheelchair and has pressing business with him, what then?

 Thankfully for these guys, they still have full use of all their limbs even if they lack it occasionally with their brains.

 Before heading there, though, I made sure to stop and chat with the guys who came to warn the residents of the Garden to behave and an old man.

 This is part of the reason I'm concerned that something convenient is going on in this place.

What?

 Remember, Cid didn't actually know that Garden could fly or sail. He sent Zog and Co. down there solely on the basis that since the place was an old bomb shelter, there might be something to stop the needless deaths of a bunch of kids.

 So the fact that this random old guy in a place the Garden accidentally ran into seems to know so much about it is definitely a cause for concern.

 As for the welcoming committee, one of them does the boring old 'are you happy being a mercenary' routine in such a dismissive way that Zog feels like he got a taste of his own medicine, and another one says that Fisherman's Horizon is pretty much on top of Esthar.

 This latter conversation is very interesting, as I am quite keen to check that place out.

 Now it's time to check the Mayor's house out, and I'm more than mildly narked at the old geezer.

 Why?

 Well, you know those die hard vegans? The ones who are way too interested in what everyone else is eating and insist on saying things like 'it's not beef, it's a cow'? Well, no shit Sherlock, that is what beef literally fucking means. It's a relic of Norman rule you ignorant twits.

 Sorry, got a bit sidetracked.

 Anyway, you know that kind of vegan, they're pretty hostile and don't really think about the consequences of their ideas and seem perfectly happy to inconvenience or outright hurt other human beings?

 Well, in this analogy, violence is meat and this guy is one of those vegans.

Your face will attract violence.

 Again, there are literally children on board the Garden and this guy doesn't care what happens to them.

 Also, Jesus, this attitude. It's this kind of behaviour that makes you want to see this guy get his comeuppance.

 Upon getting reassurance that the engineers of Fisherman's Horizon will fix Garden (don't ask me how or why they know how to do this, it's basically just ignored in game) the team leave and guess who they run into right outside this guy's house.

You've got to be kidding me.

 So a school full of minors equals a threat, but this guy, this guy, he's fine?

 I'm disgusted at that mayor, I really am.

 Nina is angry, like I am, but Zog is his usual spineless self and would rather snap at the nice girl than stand up for himself in front of an adult male authority figure.

 Then the Galbadians show up.

 Despite the fact that Balamb Garden cannot have been here ten minutes, the Mayor's awful wife yells at our heroes to take responsibility as it's clearly their fault.

 This raises a good point, why didn't Galbadia just send their navy after them?

 The Mayor wants to talk this out, and goes off ahead to do so.

 Guess how well this goes for him.

 If you said 'poorly, and he needs to have his ass saved by the people he just accused of being violence magnets as a result', you're right! Have a cookie!

 Yeah, the Galbadians are looking for Ellone, and refuse to believe him when the Mayor says that she's not here. In fact it gets to the point that the soldier he's talking to threatens to burn down the entire town, and personally kill the mayor.

 As much as I would have loved to take the game up on its offer to just let him deal with the Galbadians himself, I couldn't actually leave an old man to be murdered in cold blood.

 After kicking the soldier's arse, an old foe appears.

I thought I killed you!

 It's not a super hard fight and it careens its way into the water.

 However, three people emerge from where it went out of view.

 Who are they? Find out in Part Thirty One!