Thursday, 8 May 2014

Let's Play: Final Fantasy VIII - Part Twelve

With the clever use type, I have a better looking titlecard
 Part Eleven


 Day Six: Losing Winning Battles

 Laguna and Co. finally make it to... I'm not sure.

 They were just kind of wandering around this weird facility and attached crystal caverns while occasionally beating up security forces from Esthar.

 While in the process of doing this, they ended up on a cliff and got attacked by three waves of soldiers which they took down with ease under my superior battle tactics of Laguna and Ward hit things, Kiros use Thunder.

We were not in the caves during these fights, so this
background makes no sense.
 Frankly, I could have done that for ages, and from what Laguna was saying, he agreed with me.

And by that, I mean we both found it kind of boring.
 They were just taking down the last group of Esthar soldiers when one of them used the move 'Soul Crush' on Ward and Kiros.

 Attacking both of them in one turn, by the way.

 This made me angry, because what is this if not straight up cheating.

 This wasn't an unwinnable boss battle. Those are different, those are fair. You're presented with an incredibly strong enemy and it feels like you can't win. Even if you do win (and I actually have won unwinnable boss battles before), when you get taken out it genuinely feels like it makes sense. You've gone all out and now you're vulnerable.

 It stands to reason.

 This, however, this doesn't.

 This is complete bollocks.

 And the testicular stupidity continues with the following cutscene, where we learn that Ward has somehow managed to acquire a serious throat injury and can barely talk.

 Apparently this was done by invisible ninjas, because I didn't see anything of the sort happen.

 There was nothing special about those fights, and I fail to see how he gained an injury that severe without me noticing.

 Luckily for Ward and Kiros, or should I say unluckily? Yeah, unluckily, let's go for that.

 Unluckily for Ward and Kiros, Laguna notices some boats in the water below the cliff. Kiros says they're usually called 'vessels' and I'm suddenly finding him less attractive than I had previously.

 At this point, in an attempt to save their lives, Laguna has to get them off the cliff.

You're joking, right?
 Laguna, you pushed  Ward off after you threw Kiros off.

 Is your middle name Mitsuzane or something?

 He doesn't even have the decency to jump off himself, he does that thing people do when they try and climb down walls slightly to high to comfortably climb over and slips off. The wuss.

 This spells the end of the dream/vision and we return to Zog and Co.

Really? Damnit Zell, did they teach you nothing at school?
 Note how neither Zell nor Nina bothered to take the time to put Zog, Selphie or Quistis into the recovery position. Which if I remember from my first aid course back in the day, is pretty much the first thing you do to a person who's just fallen unconscious after you've made sure they're still breathing.

 Zell wants to know if it was Laguna again, and Selphie declares that he's in danger.

 Quistis is surprised to see this has happened to these guys before, and wonders what it is.

 Zog, being the brilliant tactician he is, says that it would be a waste of time. Like his squad suddenly contracting hallucinatory narcolepsy is just a minor inconvenience and couldn't possibly get them killed if they suddenly pass out in the middle of a fight or while in a dangerous environment.

 Gosh, what a genius, he's totally right.

 Since they're really close to Galbadia Garden, apparently, the other three SeeDs go off ahead keen to get there while Nina stays for a quick word with Zog.

 She's sorry for saying too much, and I'm not sure why. She tends to swing between totally wrong and completely right, and that time she was right.

 Zog, however, appreciated this.

Damnit Zog, she's a hypnotist, not a psychic
 Much to my surprise, and mild befuddlement, they were pretty much right on top of the Garden.

 I was genuinely expecting a trip through that forest, mostly because that kind of thing happens all the time in RPGs.

 Anyway, they pop into the Garden and Quistis goes off for a chat with the head while the others are instructed to head to the waiting room.

 Just after I spoke to Zell, who asked how long this would take, Quistis immediately arrived with good news, and bad news.

 The good news is that Balamb Garden is totally safe, as Seifer's actions were seen as an independent action, rather than a command. So Galbadia sent out a press release saying that they were not holding Balamb responsible.

 Which is a relief to Zell, as it means he didn't doom nearly everyone he knew with his stupidity.

 Although... Um... I doubt it would have been very hard to work out where they were from in the first place.

 They used a private compartment reserved for use by SeeDs, and enterprising secret service would likely have checked the train records and been able to work out that SeeDs had travelled to the area and where they had travelled from.

 Also are we forgetting that Zog, Selphie and Zell attempted to kidnap the President themselves not to mention the fact that they murdered his body double.

 These guys are guilty of kidnapping, attempted kidnapping, theft, endangering the lives of every passenger on that train, presumably unauthorised use of the rail system (which I've previously pointed out is very dangerous) and murdering a member of Deling's personal guard.

 Speaking of murder.

 The bad news is that Seifer was tried and executed for his crime.

 Which I don't believe for a second.

 I saw him go off with the lady with a nautilus attached to her head, and she doesn't seem like the type to creepily mess with someone's head and then hand him over to the authorities. She seems more the type to brainwash teenage boys and then 'seduce' them into her bed and evil organisation.

 No one takes this well, especially Nina.

Oh my god, what is wrong with her waist?!
 Here we learn that he wasn't actually her boyfriend after all, they were more like 'it's complicated'. Which kind of makes it more tragic.

 These were two mixed up kids who met one summer and maybe kinda fell in love and now one of them is in the clutches of a nautilus wearing creep and the other one thinks he's dead.

 I wish things had ended differently, and that Nina wasn't stuck with the social leper that is Zog.

 I'm a bit weirded out by everybody deciding he did this solely for Nina. When, if anything, it sounded  like he was just as concerned for Zog, Selphie and Zell.

 Like he's the only one in this world (except maybe the Timber Maniacs) who can see how fucked up this whole situation is and maybe that's why he's never put the effort in to pass his SeeD final exam, because he doesn't really want to be part of the system but he doesn't know what else to do and where else to go.

 Remind me again why he isn't the protagonist?

 Oh, by the way, Zog thinks this:

You lying toerag.
 Oh no you didn't. I was there, remember? You sliced his face open. A thing that no one ever mentions, and I'm starting to think even you don't remember that you did it.

 You two were pretty antagonistic towards each other the whole time you were in Garden, the only reason you agreed with him in Dollet is because a. I made you and b. he was your commanding officer.

 If anything, he probably liked you far more than you liked him.

 Honestly, Zell is a much better example of a properly written character here. He's sad Seifer is dead and wants to avenge him, but he never pretends that he liked him. He's completely open about the fact he hated him.

 Quistis doesn't hide that she didn't like him either, but she's still convincing in her sorrow.

 Yet Zog, the guy who Seifer gave a large facial scar is perfectly happy to lie to himself about how he actually felt about the guy. That's probably why he doesn't say it out loud, because if he did he would immediately be called out on it by Zell, Quistis, or, most likely, Selphie.

 Zog's going to get worse in this conversation, but I'll spare you from that until tomorrow in Part Thirteen - Day Six: Deling With Grief

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