In a terrible plan, I'm rewriting what I already have, mostly because I can barely stand to read what I have.
So at the moment, the new draft is up to 2,274 words! Go me!
Anyway, here's the new opening :)
“Stop right there!”
The chase was on and Mel loved it. She was the hunter and this was her prey, she’d catch him and drag him back to the pack for a feast.
She could smell the terror rising off him, adrenaline coursing through her veins as she started gaining.
As she ran she saw herself from behind just as the smell changed from fear to something more like smug satisfaction.
She watched in horror, this was going to end badly. She could see the kids with the pipes and planks of wood in the disused shopping centre. She saw herself run into a trap and saw the first hit from the kid in the knockoff Burberry cap.
She woke up with a start and a yelp.
“Constable Baker? Are you alright?”
Julie the kindly air hostess ( blonde, 5’8” 9 stone) was hovering over her.
Mel forced herself to relax.
“I just had a nightmare, that’s all,” she explained with her best ‘brave face’.
“Oh, okay. Would you like me to get you anything?”
“Nah, I’m fine, just bored. That’s all.”
Julie looked thoughtful for the moment.
“Well, we could always watch Die Hard. John McClane always keeps me entertained,” she smiled conspiratorially.
Mel looked at Julie for a moment before smiling.