Tuesday, 8 December 2015

Guest Post: Murphy Rants About... The Apprentice S11E9

Okay, I’m going to level with you all here, for most of this task I had no idea what was going on. It was a real estate task, and they’ve never really done one of those before, and nearly all of it flew straight over my head, so I can’t really blame the candidates for not doing too well. It was a bit nervewracking to watch too, as the teams handled vastly larger quantities of money than they ever had before.

Joseph, who has a stupid moustache but has done well on several tasks, was made team leader of Versatile, while Richard was made team leader of Connexus, which seems like an absolutely terrible choice to me.

Weirdly, though, this challenge was Richard’s time to shine, along with Vana. The two of them, it turned out, were really good at wooing developers, at one point covering their lack of a show-flat and floor plans (logistical errors on their part) with a relentless charm offensive that actually worked.

Scott and Brett, also on Connexus, did less well. Brett was fine, but Scott was constantly screwing things up, with one memorable moment involving him flailing at a map and declaring “Everyone’s enjoying the Clapham!” in slightly angry, desperate tones. Brett had to bail him out of sticky situations at multiple points, and by the end of the challenge, I’m pretty sure he was considering defenestrating Scott.

For Versatile, meanwhile, 90% of their problems came down to Selina being pretty terrible. Joseph had a bit of a screw-up near the start when he tried to push for 4% commission, only to be flatly told that he was getting 1.5% and that was the end of the matter, but Selina was like a wellspring of terrible decisions and interpersonal drama.

Most of that drama seemed to come from Selina really not liking Charleine. Charleine was doing a great job selling loads of middle-end properties, only for, during every team meeting, Selina to start browbeating her about being ‘unpolished.’

Bear in mind that Selina hadn’t seen any of Charleine’s sales, and that the ‘unpolished’ remark was actually a criticism made by a client about Joseph and Selina, so the whole thing was just a little bit bewildering, and came off as Selina trying to desperately save her ego by pretending that her clients weren’t unimpressed with her, but with Charleine, whose activities they knew of via psychic powers.

Selina wasn’t getting along any better with the rest of her team, either, with Joseph describing her as ‘manipulative’ several times.

In the boardroom, Connexus won with £79k to Versatile’s £29k - only for Scott, who was on the winning team, mind, to immediately announce that he was leaving the process. This was largely due to Lord Sugar having basically said outright that Scott would have been fired if he’d not been on the winning team, but people were shocked. Charleine audibly gasped. Connexus fled, with Brett herding them out like they were evacuating a room with a bomb in it.

After Scott left, Selina was fired, and it was really never going to be anyone else. Still, with a triple firing a few weeks back, and someone dropping out this week, the numbers are getting thin on the ground. Only Brett, Vana, Richard, Joseph, Charleine and Gary (I always forget Gary) left for the remaining three weeks of the process.

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