Thursday, 16 April 2015

Let's Ramble About... Kingdom Hearts

 I... have a complicated relationship with Kingdom Hearts.

 I don't particularly hate the concept of the series, I like weird mash ups as much as the next person (Captain N needs to comes back as a video game).

 It's just... the execution has been absolutely horrendous.

 If you know me, you know I do not care for Nomura Tetsuya. I think he is a pox on this industry and a canker in Square Enix's design department, and I'm getting the feeling that they're finally realising this.

 At the same time, though, as much as I despise the man, I actually like some of the original characters.

 But then again, there are characters I have some serious problems with.

 Like Xion.

 This rant is entirely because I just bought 358/2 Days (AKA the worst title).

 Look, it was £8. Don't judge me.

 I've heard that Xion is a pretty terrible addition to a game series that is already oversaturated with original characters despite having a large roster of pre-existing characters who the game is sold on, yet have barely any impact on the story.

 I just need to see for myself.

 I need to see first hand how bad this game really is and how Sue-ish Xion really is.

 For science.

 And that is a real problem with Kingdom Hearts, by the way.

 It's meant to be Final Fantasy meets Disney, yet we rarely see any non-Nomura or Nomura adjacent characters, and even those who are there aren't at all important to the narrative.

 Did we really buy this game to have Cloud and Squall sit quietly in corners doing nothing until the occasional cutscene happens?

 Why don't the Square characters have more of an impact?

 Why isn't Organisation XIII made up of Final Fantasy villains? After a first game with a council of Disney Villains, it would have been perfect!

 Hell, why isn't there more crossover between Disney properties?

 Why can't I have Captain Jack Sparrow stuck on an island being brought food and random trinkets by Ariel?

 Where's my Baloo being completely baffled by Little John wearing clothes?

 Where is the Shere Khan and Scar teaming up to mutually beneficial ends?

 Why isn't there a story arc where Clayton from Tarzan and Gaston from Beauty and the Beast are decimating the population of a forested area together?

 Actually, on that note, where the hell is Gaston?!

 Why have Organisation XIII want to make Heartless Beast when Gaston, who is the most self-centred being in the shared universe, is around to make a far more terrifying one?

 This series is just a string of missed opportunities and terrible design decisions. It makes me mad.

 This is one of those ideas that sounds ridiculous, but works. Yet the execution is the biggest problem.

 It's also set to just get even worse.

 With the inclusion of Marvel properties we're going to get even more Disney owned characters filling up the game, to go with the original characters who are oversaturating it, drowning out half the reason we came to the game in the first place.

 If I wanted to play a game with just Disney characters, I'd play Disney Infinity.

 Square is just screwing itself over.

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