Thursday, 8 January 2015

Let's Talk About... Final Fantasy XV (AKA Sir Bound To End Up As An Advert For Seatbelt Safety)

 I know it's an Eight day, but I only got an hour's sleep and I am way too tired to give Part Seventy Nine the attention it deserves right now.

 So instead of rushing a post I've been looking forward to writing for about a week, I'm going to post it up tomorrow and give you some thoughts on the Bosses & Towns gameplay trailer to tide you over.

 First of all, this trailer gives me the impression that they took elements of Final Fantasy VII and Final Fantasy XII and just smashed them together. Square likes to abuse Norse myth almost as much as Wagner and they like their Shakespeare too.

 Also, Insomnia?

 There's a place called Insomnia?


 Square, did you really just put a character named Night into a city called Sleepless?

 I'm not sure even thematic connection could make me accept such a silly naming scheme.

 Although my current lack of sympathy is because I'm currently suffering from insomnia.

 So far I don't much care for this little gang of four they've got going on. None of them pique my interest outside of my distaste for Noctis, who is already presenting as an annoying pissant.

 I am mildly impressed that they all have red soled shoes though, I didn't know Laboutin did that for men's shoes too.

 I think the thing that stood out to me the most was that Noctis is a moron who is inevitably going to die in a road traffic accident because he never wears a seatbelt.

 In my country, you are required to wear a seatbelt by law. If this was taking place in Britain, the evil empire wouldn't have to worry about him because he'd be too busy either fighting monsters to earn money to pay off his fines, or being dead.

 If they thought a seatbelt would make him look less cool, they were wrong, sitting in the passenger side of your best friend's ride never makes you look cool it makes you a scrub. This was established in 1999 by the scholars collectively known as TLC.

 Either way, he's getting no love from me.

 Speaking of no love, we were introduced to Cindy in this trailer.

 She's a mechanic in short shorts, knee high boots, a midriff exposing top and has her boobs hanging out.

 So, when the GamerGaiz tell you that men are just as objectified in video games, you can point to Cindy and then point to the four fully dressed main male characters who have one exposed chest and midriff between them, and it's on the male power fantasy character, and remind them that they're being stupid.

 I see Nomura has been Nomura-ing things up good and proper again.

 Oh, and the end of the trailer says 'In Development', it's supposed to come out this Spring. That's what they said.

 I am not inclined to believe them.

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